rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize