go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
