I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
