We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
