i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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