You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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