call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
