i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
