i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Green mimosas i think yes
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
