Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
