I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
