i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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