My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
