I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
