I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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