There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
