please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
