I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
