Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
