Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
