Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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