Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
