I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
