I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
