i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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