9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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