I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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