Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
