i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
