I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
