in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
