I want to walk on stilts...naked
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
