if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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