It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
