you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
