Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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