I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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