i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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