Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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