Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
