yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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