I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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