One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
