if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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