i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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