just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
