By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
