dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
