I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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