My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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