Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
