You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
