thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
