Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
