Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
