Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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