chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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