so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
