The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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