if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
