thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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