Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
