Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
