Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
